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Today, somewhere in a more reasonable world, serious questions are being raised about the threat posed by members of the male community to British values and freedoms.  A recent spate of high profile cases, including those of Jimmy Savile, John Worboys, and Max Clifford, has cast a light onto the activities of this group within our society, and many people are worried.  These men’s cases involved a systematic, brutal and relentless victimization of those not in their subculture, revealing an mindset which saw anyone who was not a member of the male community as less valuable and perhaps even less human.  There is widespread concern, one would expect, about the fact that this attitude appears to have been developed entirely independently by these men, who do not all appear to have met each other, despite the elements their crimes appear to have in common.

Experts on the distinctive culture of men have explained that it is not helpful to look for an organized conspiracy which links the 85,000 rapes and 400,000 sexual assaults which government figures estimate take place every year.  Professor Jane Berkshire (Research Fellow in Men’s Studies at the University of Cambridge), stresses that the decades of undercover police work and intelligence analysis of male violence which must surely have taken place has failed to produce evidence of a centrally controlled organization of men which could have co-ordinated these attacks.  “No database, membership rolls or command structure appear to exist”, she remarks, “We have concluded that the causes of this devastating wave of violence by men must rooted in their culture and social life.  A new stream of funding is being made available for projects which could elucidate the origins and workings of this masculinist ideology.”

Questions were asked in Parliament this week, in another universe, demanding that the Select Committee currently hearing evidence on the failures of state institutions to contain male violence report immediately.  The leaders of the three main parties were all anxious to show their commitment to ending this threat, which drastically undermines the rights and security nominally enjoyed by British citizens who are not themselves men.  The Leader of the Opposition faced stern questioning based on the fact that when her party was in government, she actually put a member of the male community in charge of the Independent Police Complaints Commission, despite the long record of men covering up the abuses of power committed by other men.  “It is a farce!” declared the Prime Minister, “Did the Honourable Lady seriously expect a member of this group to report to her and explain that the problem lies with men?  If there is one thing we have learned over the last century, it is that objectivity and neutrality must be maintained when dealing with our male citizens, but that this cannot detract from the need to ask searching and critical questions.  If, as the old proverb says, an Englishwoman’s home is her castle, then why isn’t she safe in it? One woman every six seconds is subject to an assault in her own home. The male community need to put their house in order before they can be trusted in ours.”

Despite some muted criticism in left-wing papers that the Prime Minister was merely pandering to the electorate, and winning cheap votes by her anti-man rhetoric, this last soundbite has played out on all the news channels today, surely.  Even The Guardian stated in today’s leader that understanding the richness of male culture must take second place at the moment to curbing the horrific violence and fanaticism which issues from masculinist groups.  Other media outlets went further, with The Telegraph and The Spectator issuing a joint call for all-man organizations to be subjected to scrutiny and even registration with the police if they cannot adequately explain why only men should be allowed.  “It’s behind closed doors that the problems start”, remarked a columnist, “It’s there that the men make these jokes, tell these stories, get each other fired up.  It’s not normal and it’s not British.  They don’t see you or me as part of their culture, even.  They think only men should be in charge.  They literally think that, some of them.  I’m not a bigot, I have male friends, and that’s why I know what goes on in these places.”  “Why don’t you go back to the caves you came from, if you like being a Neanderthal so much?”, The Sun bafflingly did not ask.